Author: becomingaddisonnyc

Life is a beautiful thing, but what is that thing we are defining all the time….
Today, that word takes such a deep and profound meaning in my life, in our life.

Life is about to be given to a little girl. I know, I sound dramatic but hey, it is our blog. To me it does represent a lot – thoughts, feelings, love and motivation. Becoming a father is an inspiring cocktail of sensations.

The chance our little girl will have is to be surrounded by so much love, between her parents, our families and all our friends. It is unbelievable to imagine how beautiful her life will be, I can almost feel it.
The most important part of a child’s life is a strong family, lots of very good family friends (for babysitting purpose of course).

Family: Her core of life.
-Tracy and I, first of course, we are in this young and amazing relationship which is now supported by this new addition to the family in the making. We are closer than ever and the beauty of it is that it is only the beginning.
-On my family side, it is a real pleasure to see that she is bringing us closer together. I was never much of a family guy since my parents divorced in my young age, and by living in a different country the distance between my parents and I, at some point became the new normal. Now, that I am about to be a father myself (still can’t picture that….) I am missing my parents, the long and funny dinners, the arguments, the eye contact when you did not need to talk to understand each other. The hugs and warm moments…I miss all of them.
I know now, that by leaving them behind, I hurt them. They have suffered in silence the pain of their missing child, seeking independence somewhere else. They have and still are suffering in silence from the decision I have made to leave my country and settle somewhere far. For this pain that I can’t take away from them, I need to say “I am deeply sorry!!!”.

I love my parents dearly, I am thankful about all the love they gave me blindly, the experiences they taught me, the fights we had, the laughs, the great and unorthodox way to educate me.
I can hardly wait to introduce Addison to them. I know already they will love her and give her the warmth she will seek in their smiles, looks, hugs and kisses.

-On Tracy’s side: I am saying to her mother, that I will miss your guidance on how to raise a little girl, but I will do my best to understand and follow your lead while trying to please you as I know you are looking over your daughter that you love so much.

Mr. Royal, I can’t follow your path, you have created an “almost” perfect girl, which, by the way, makes my job way too hard, thanks to you. Know that I will care for both girls to the best of my abilities. Your girl rocks.

Family is the place where life begins and Love lives forever.

Friends: We all need some of them to evolve in our world, through great time and storms. I can say that friends are common, we all have them by the dozen, but real close friends are a rare thing, which need to be cherished and loved.
I am pleased to have met many of Tracy’s close friends and I love them dearly. They have accepted me with my differences and strong accent (handicap to be French) and they have opened their hearts and arms to me.
I am already thankful for all the love they are about to give our little girl.  Her start in life could not be any better thanks to you all.
Being a foreigner made me meet people from all over the world, coming from different roots, different horizons. My friend’s answers to your coming Addison are smiles, love and impatience to meet you and to share with you their personalities, styles and differences.
You will learn and live surrounded by love from multiple people, from so many different origins. You will learn diversity and acceptance at a younger age and you will be unique.

My dear beauty, you will be blessed by all the diversity and passion from the world surrounding you. Your mind will be filled with all greatness at your disposal and you will be able to do and achieve anything you want. (Complete lack of objectivity – syndrome of the stupid parent)

We are (Tracy and I) very excited to be part of your life, and we are all waiting for you to become Addison.

D

PS: Thank you Lipbone Redding and Albert for inspiring the Title of the post.

There was once a pretty town in Provence called Avignon. In this city lived a beautiful little boy very wise, but very shy! He was the only child in a family and his parents loved him. Being a single child, he had to play alone, not easy, he liked reading a lot but he was still alone so he dreamed, he escaped. Since he was very shy, it had to be pushed a little to confront the outside world. Gradually he gained self-confidence, and things came back in order. He managed to overcome his shyness !! He was released and we could not stop him !!!

The child grew up, grew up and turned into a young man and what a young man !!! He was beautiful and the girls turned him around a lot !! His beautiful clear look left no one indifferent !!! …. His life was going well in Provence between family and friends, yet, one day, he decided to leave, to leave us to go live his dream far, very far In America as they say here. We were very sad about his departure but were sure he would come back a little later, but not !! Despite the sadness and our fears we were wholeheartedly solidarity with him. He had to realize his dream, his American Dream. We prayed that everything would go well for him in his new life so far away from us.
During those years there, it certainly was not easy. However, he kept for himself alone, in his head and in his heart all these difficult moments, he never complained! The American dream …. the USA … He had to endure many things alone, down … Time was passing and 14 years passed.

One day, during one of our conversations, a video conversation he showed us a very pretty young woman and, on the other hand, they seemed to know each other well, there was complicity and even ‘They were especially appreciated ….
The following weeks we even sympathized with this charming young woman very smiling.
Another time, I learned that I was going to receive a gift. Super, I loooooove gifts, on the other hand it was not necessary to open the package !!! So I should wait and open it live on Skype. I was eager to open this big package brought by the postman, but no, I had to wait. I piaffais …

In short, the moment waited finally arrived and, armed with my knife and before camera, I could finally cut the scotch carefully. The parcel finally opened, I plunged my hand to seize one of the small packages that I saw. “Nooonn, no, we must take the letter first,” they said. I plunged my hand in the large package to rummage and get out a beautiful red envelope. The envelope was glued, I cut it out carefully.
It was a pretty postcard with a drawing of an old typewriter and a little bird on it.

I opened the card and inside, a black and white photo. But no ! This is not a picture !! It’s an ultrasound and there … it’s a baby …. !! Yes Yes! It’s you Addison !! This is how I learned in the prettiest manner possible, your future arrival !!

I could not believe what I saw, I had so long hoped for it !!! I cried, but with joy. An immense joy, I waited for you so much !!
And here you are, very small. Until this famous moment I thought that my heart had become dry and hard and just seeing you it melted like snow in the sun. Thank you for choosing to come to my family and now nothing will be like before! I love you already and now I look forward to the day of our next meeting. I will be there to welcome you.
You know, that boy who left France I spoke of, well, he’s your dad, but he’s also my son. He discovered a pearl, a beautiful young woman, your mother and you are the fruit of their love. It is because they love each other very much that you will be beautiful, very beautiful. I am your grandma, your big one, I do not know yet how you will call me, but the name you will give me will be very sweet in my ears. I am very happy with your arrival in my life and I only wait for one thing is to be able to hold you in my arms and cover you with kisses. I will not hide from you that I also have stage fright. But yes, I’m afraid of not being up to my task, so if that’s the case, especially do not hesitate to let me know. I want to become almost perfect for you.
For the moment, still remain with your mom, warm and grown with the unconditional love of your parents.
Very quickly my little chip
Your big ma who thinks of you.

Il était une fois une jolie ville en Provence qui s’appelle Avignon. Dans cette cité vivait  un beau petit garçon très sage, mais très timide !!!  Il était l’unique enfant d’une famille et ses parents l’adorait.  Étant enfant unique, il devait jouer seul , pas facile, il aimait beaucoup lire mais il était quand même bien seul alors il rêvait, il s’évadait.  Comme il était très timide, il fallait le pousser un peu pour qu’il affronte le monde extérieur. Peu à peu il a pris confiance en lui,  et les choses sont rentrées dans l’ordre.. Il a réussi à  vaincre sa timidité !! Il s’est libéré et on  n’a plus pu l’arrêter !!!

It is interesting how we, as future parents, start thinking, what we have in mind for that child. I am safely assuming that we are looking at the future with doubt in our mind and conviction of what is good or not for the baby to come.

One big dilemma, which will need to be resolved at some points, in the following months: Religion and to be more precise Baptism.

I am born catholic, so is Tracy. I lost my faith a long time ago when i came to realize that believing in God does not bring you anything while facing emotional pain, it is a distraction. It is reassuring to imagine that there is something higher than us, which control our life and destiny.While in school, I studied Philosophy and it made it clear to me that religion exists from the creation of man to ease the pain during harsh time and provide with some hope of a better tomorrow. It is the opium of the people. JJ Rousseau, a French Philosopher, who was a fervent atheist, on his death bed cried for god help while facing death.So, does God exist? Is he only existing in our mind or does his grace can help us and provide us with strength when needed….

Religion has many faces and it is up to us to decide which face we want to see.

Tracy and I were baptized when we were new born, as the belief in catholic church is if you baptize your newborn, in case something happens to him, he will go to heaven. Now, if you don’t baptize him, he will be lingering between heaven and earth in a weird place forever.

Conclusion: If you want to go to heaven, embrace God, convert your kids: Kind of aggressive vision, so to speak.
Today, after 20 years without entering a catholic church, listening to a sermon, I strangely rediscovered my faith. I attended a small service in the East village, where the gospel, the worship touched me, but something was missing.

My love, Tracy, took me to Hillsong NY. I was shocked by the amount of people in attendance, compare to my small church, the crowd was young, Music was loud, lights were dancing, Worship was strong, you could feel its intensity. But the revelation came from the pastor: Carl Lentz. He changed me, his intensity, his speech, his message, it went all through me, and surprisingly I beg for more. Everything happens for a reason.
Why am i saying all this??

His vision is you can only baptize people who wants to be baptized, as they understand the meaning of it. Young babies are not part of it.So Hillsong is offering a moment, a benediction for the kids but it is not the same as a baptism.

This is where my issue is: which one should we pick?   Traditional vs Pentecostal?

The silliest things in the world are the one we have one day dreamed of in a funny way, without thinking they will occur. That is what is happening to me, Dorian, adult French man. I am about to become a father, not tomorrow but in few months from now, which should provide me with enough time to be ready.

I am today torn between happiness and fear,  “Should I stay or should I go, now??”, for some reasons “The Clash” are vibrating and singing in my head….Weird.

My excitement is somehow quite posed as I am not living the pregnancy per-se, I am only  supervising and managing it, most of the time when my dear Tracy and i are going out on a date. I am the tissue provider, her morning sickness always kicks in, right after dinner, clockwise, unbelievable!!

It is a great reminder of what is about to happen. My life (selfishly) is about to change forever.  I know, I sound a little dramatic but I am feeling the change and still not sure how to react to it and what my place is in this adventure.

Tracy is an unbelievable person,  she is very smart, she has a brilliant career, she has so much energy, so much passion and love in her, and now, she finds the time and extra energy to give life to that little girl, day after day. She is changing physically, her belly start showing a little and she looks beautiful and shines more than ever.
I am so proud to see her growing that child inside of her body, and how she manages every single issue she must deals with due to hormones growth.

It is obvious that God knew exactly what he was doing, Women are so much tougher than men.  I could never assume to be able to handle those morning sickness with a smile, to see my body being tortured as such. I am amazed by the level of acceptation and the strength she has.
I give all my respect to every woman in the world to go through the process of making a child.

I love Tracy so much and I am so excited to have that baby girl with her, but still, what am I supposed to do?? What are my obligations, what are my responsibilities now, during the making??
My answer came  by itself somehow, to provide Tracy with all the support she needs during the pregnancy, assisting to every ultrasound, to be present for every doctor appointments, and to take care of all the tasks at home (which I was already doing :)) and anything else she needs from me or not, not to argue with her, not too much, maybe a little bit.
To be present by her side and to remind her that she is not alone during that journey, where I am only a spectator. She is providing a haven for that child and I am making sure to keep it this way.

Our life, now, is about planning our future prior and after the baby birth, I have the impression to be at war, plans, maps, organization, logistic, supplies, etc… I am a general, without stars, about to enter the battlefield of the unknown. She has, as an excellent mother to be, read every single blog and application she could possibly find. For me, she has purchased books to read, to prepare myself for my future role of a responsible father, obviously, I have not yet started. I keep on postponing those readings by fear of the real, maybe! I do not have the answer.
In the unknown world, my only certainty is something magical is about to happen, and I am more excited today than I ever was in a longtime, she is providing me with the energy and the motivation to change and improve things in my life, for Tracy first and for Addison.

Today, i pledge to be here for you Tracy my Love and for you Addison, to be a good father, to care for you, to stop any potential boyfriends to come home, and to care for your well being in sharing with you my mistakes and my success.
We will be here for you every step of the way.

I love you already, Can’t wait to finally see you.

Dorian.