The silliest things in the world are the one we have one day dreamed of in a funny way, without thinking they will occur. That is what is happening to me, Dorian, adult French man. I am about to become a father, not tomorrow but in few months from now, which should provide me with enough time to be ready.
I am today torn between happiness and fear, “Should I stay or should I go, now??”, for some reasons “The Clash” are vibrating and singing in my head….Weird.
My excitement is somehow quite posed as I am not living the pregnancy per-se, I am only supervising and managing it, most of the time when my dear Tracy and i are going out on a date. I am the tissue provider, her morning sickness always kicks in, right after dinner, clockwise, unbelievable!!
It is a great reminder of what is about to happen. My life (selfishly) is about to change forever. I know, I sound a little dramatic but I am feeling the change and still not sure how to react to it and what my place is in this adventure.
Tracy is an unbelievable person, she is very smart, she has a brilliant career, she has so much energy, so much passion and love in her, and now, she finds the time and extra energy to give life to that little girl, day after day. She is changing physically, her belly start showing a little and she looks beautiful and shines more than ever.
I am so proud to see her growing that child inside of her body, and how she manages every single issue she must deals with due to hormones growth.
It is obvious that God knew exactly what he was doing, Women are so much tougher than men. I could never assume to be able to handle those morning sickness with a smile, to see my body being tortured as such. I am amazed by the level of acceptation and the strength she has.
I give all my respect to every woman in the world to go through the process of making a child.
I love Tracy so much and I am so excited to have that baby girl with her, but still, what am I supposed to do?? What are my obligations, what are my responsibilities now, during the making??
My answer came by itself somehow, to provide Tracy with all the support she needs during the pregnancy, assisting to every ultrasound, to be present for every doctor appointments, and to take care of all the tasks at home (which I was already doing :)) and anything else she needs from me or not, not to argue with her, not too much, maybe a little bit.
To be present by her side and to remind her that she is not alone during that journey, where I am only a spectator. She is providing a haven for that child and I am making sure to keep it this way.
Our life, now, is about planning our future prior and after the baby birth, I have the impression to be at war, plans, maps, organization, logistic, supplies, etc… I am a general, without stars, about to enter the battlefield of the unknown. She has, as an excellent mother to be, read every single blog and application she could possibly find. For me, she has purchased books to read, to prepare myself for my future role of a responsible father, obviously, I have not yet started. I keep on postponing those readings by fear of the real, maybe! I do not have the answer.
In the unknown world, my only certainty is something magical is about to happen, and I am more excited today than I ever was in a longtime, she is providing me with the energy and the motivation to change and improve things in my life, for Tracy first and for Addison.
Today, i pledge to be here for you Tracy my Love and for you Addison, to be a good father, to care for you, to stop any potential boyfriends to come home, and to care for your well being in sharing with you my mistakes and my success.
We will be here for you every step of the way.
I love you already, Can’t wait to finally see you.
Dorian.
Becoming Addison 